Why do we raise our voices? Do we really believe it will improve our chances of being heard in an atmosphere of mounting opposition?

I grew up in an environment where every intense emotion felt was expressed with little or no restraint. As a result, at a young age, I did what all of God’s creatures do in one form or another in the midst of turbulence. I created a refuge. And just as a bird carefully selects the items to build a nest, I collected behavioral patterns for protection.

By the time I reached adolescence, I’d developed a fierce don’t-mess-with-me vibe. If you did mess with me, I ranted. I raved. I broke things. My words cut others to the quick— all in the name of self-preservation. I didn't know that one day I'd have three fragile eggs in my nest, and that when they hatched, those babies would mimic the same "fight or flight" patterns as their mama. 

If this story ruffles your own feathers, don't despair. I have good news. You are not yourself. If by chance you've lashed out at someone in an effort to self-protect today, just like Alice, in Alice in Wonderland, you are not yourself. 

You weren't created to rant and rave and break things and cut others to the quick with your words. None of us are. It’s not uncommon for adult survivors of child abuse to react with passion (rather than respond with reason) when we are “boxed in,” or misunderstood, or both. I wasn’t mean-spirited, on the contrary, tenderness smoldered within my heart the way keepsakes do after a house burns to the ground.

Healing is a journey. You, my fierce survivor, are created in the image of a loving God (Genesis 1:27). Your ability to heal doesn't hang on curbing emotion or wrestling destructive and reactionary desires to the ground. Progress is rooted in the unconditional love you'll discover along the way with each passing day. No need to tell you—some days are easier to navigate than others.

Practice doing what your therapist suggest if you have one, but don't leave Jesus in the waiting room with out-dated magazines. It takes time to UN-clench the first tiny fist you formed in childhood. It takes time to trust God to fill an open and empty adult hand. Time is a gift—not a curse. Time is on your side because God is on your side.

Today, I am not a traumatized child karate-chopping her way through adulthood. But can I tell you something? Just last winter, I found myself so triggered by the treatment of someone I love that unresolved anger rose right to the top with spectacular expression. The beauty in this breakdown is that up until then, I was unaware. But Christ, my Gentle Healer, was aware. And because I seek Him—He revealed more to me. This is a grace-filled illustration of daily conversion of heart. I will be healing the rest of my life and that is just fine by me. In Christ, there is no condemnation (Romans 8:1). In Christ, we shall know the truth, and the truth shall make us free (John 8:32). Indeed.